http://generationinstantgratification.com

http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/01/04/true.love.found/index.html

Scientists: True love can last a lifetime

http://www.newsweek.com/id/192007

5 Truths About Reality Dating Shows

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29792398/

Sweet Science! Love Lasts Longer Than Thought

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/05/realestate/keymagazine/105divorce-t.html?ex=1240286400&en=2672d89b29cde8e7&ei=5087&WT.mc_id=RE-D-I-NYT-MOD-MOD-M066-ROS-1008-L1&WT.mc_ev=click

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25150618/

NYC Woman Gets 5 Years for Branding Ex-Lover

When was the last time you witnessed an extraordinary, palpable, red-hot, pure bond of true love between two people? Not attachment, not lust, not lukewarm good friends or well-managed efficiency, not one trying to save/change the other, and not performing for the people around them? (I know, I just ruled out a whole bunch of relationships.) The truth is-- you may have never seen a bond like that, as they have been an incredibly rare species of couple. Two people who are not checked out; who are both equals and very strong in themselves, where one person is not carrying or leading the other; and more rare still-- where one is not constantly controlling or subtly demeaning the other person. It is a highly unusual thing to see a relationship where both people do not have hooks sunk into each other (is it really necessary that you call each other 13 times a day?), let alone light up when their partner enters the room.

The naked truth is, in this world of Gen IG where everyone regularly trades up for a newer & better model of spouse and/or cheats every 6 months, (vows, what vows?)... or, they stay together and lack a pulse or any other discernable sign of life-- it is exceedingly unheard of to see true love that lasts a lifetime. Now, if true love is meant to be a high point of being human and being alive, then why have so incredibly few people ever experienced it, outside of watching The Princess Bride? Why do most people settle; choosing something comfortable, instead of ever getting to taste the real (and unbelievably luminous) thing? Um, not to mention the kind of sex you have when that kind of devotion + wild abandon + deep passion + connection, heatedly present and smoldering.  This would truly be a whole other level beyond the hooking up, bed hopping, or staid monogamous sex we have come to believe is as good as it gets when it comes to physical intimacy. Well, this is good news-- because for most people, the best is truly yet to come. (Go ahead and high five yourself. I know you want to.)

It is not surprising that the great masses of modern relationships turn into a hollow shell of routine and convenience at best, and a prison, at worst. We romanticize dependency, and we pretend that drama is somehow cute or entertaining. Getting lost in the other person is glamorized in every facet of our society when what it needs to be, is called out. Because these are the people pro-creating. Anytime a person says that having a child was the first time they knew what love was or what love felt like = red flag. Hint: a person is actually supposed to know about that BEFORE they bring life into this world. I mean, who knew? (Well, apparently, only about 5 people out of 6+ billion.)

Call Out: What the heck are you thinking getting married and/or having kids when you have not married or given birth to your own dang self? How can you say "I do" when you have never even heard the words 'self-commitment'? Relationships are like baking a cake; and skipping steps will always create a disastrous un-tasty mess.

Talk About It: Why are people so afraid of love? Subsequently, why do you think people are both so quick to jump into relationships and equally quick to jump right back out of them? Why are so many relationships now sexless and ice cube cold, or worse, sadly boring and overly worked-out? How many times can you rehash the same old preposterous things without seeing what is staring you right in the face? The merry go-round is beyond draining. Life is far too short to squeeze into shoes that are the wrong size, followed by the ensuing slow-motion nameless misery where nothing ever feels quite right. The truth is, you cannot force what is not meant for you, and what/who is meant for you, can never be lost.

Relationships are the icing on the cake, they are not the cake itself. Have the courage to find out what love really means before you try and wring it out of other people = the ultimate exercise in futility. A person who is lonely is a person who is disconnected from themselves, which is in fact the least attractive thing imaginable. So many people get into relationships wanting to fall in love, feel in love, be in love... but sadly, instead they get eaten by alligators in the moat before they ever get to the love castle. Why? Because they don't know the truth of love in themselves. And please don't say Just Love Yourself as if anyone has the faintest clue as to what that means. People think loving themselves is to get a pedicure or take a vacation. We have no clue, obviously, based on the fact that the drama-thermometer in most relationships explodes the mercury after week one. We want to love. We try to love. But the reality is, we end up giving each other fancy-wrapped jeweled boxes that are empty, with nothing but old dust and and blind hope inside. And woe is the person that has been shaking that box for years trying to guess it's contents only to eventually discover the bitter conclusion, when they finally open the gift up... and find nothing is there. Love has not failed, we have. We have normalized drama. How very dismal.

The truth is- you cannot give what you have never seen or known. And learning the truth of love may just be the single most important thing in this life. 

Bottom Line: Our relationships with other people show just how deep or how shallow we have gone into our own selves. Dive in already. Life waits for no one.

Enough with the drama and the emotional agendas, or, the calcified avoidance of anything between the throat and sternum. Can we please bring on the low maintenance joy juice-- with all of the yum and none of that sour, rancorous, acrid aftertaste? It really does exist and it 'tis delicious. After all, who says you cannot have the best sex of your life every single week? Certainly not me, said she with a ginormous grin.

extra credit: Read "Of Human Bondage" by W. Somerset Maugham. The title alone is a worthy description.