http://generationinstantgratification.com

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arianna-huffington/the-sad-shocking-truth-ab_b_290021.html

The Sad, Shocking Truth About How Women Around The World Are Feeling

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/09/20/opinion/20dowd.html

For Women... Blue Is The New Black

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29163803/

Some Women Driven to 'Baby Addiction'

http://lifestyle.msn.com/relationships/articlemc.aspx?cp-documentid=8319377
Fembots: The New Breed of Woman?

http://www.newsweek.com/id/118132
The Price of Perfectionism for Women

http://www.newsweek.com/id/191247
Generation Diva

Women may be more beautiful, more together, more financially viable and more successful than any other time before now, this is a fact. But the truth that is buried underneath all of these facts is that modern women are now further away from themselves than ever before in the history of the world. The evidence is spelled out everywhere around us, but no one seems to have the balls or the ovaries to call it out.

According to recent studies (CDC and Johns Hopkins University), there has been a significant increase of suicides in two auspicious age groups at the pivotal phases in the life of a woman: at ages 40-54, and in teenage girls, ages 10-14. No coincidence then, that women now casually take pills to stop their menstrual cycle; or that there is a sizeable increase in breast, uterine, cervical, and ovarian cancer; artificial hormone therapies, and hysterectomies. Women are 2-3 times more likely than men to develop a panic disorder, confirms the National Institute of Mental Health. Diagnoses for women continue to climb for bi-polar disorder, anxiety disorder, self-injury/cutting, obsessive-compulsive disorder, eating disorders, premenstrual dysphoric disorder, body dysmorphic disorder, and overall depression. (NIMH) More than one in three doctor’s office visits by women involved the prescription of an anti-depressant, reports the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Juxtapose these statistics with the fact that Newsweek has now determined the average amount the modern woman will spend on her exterior appearance throughout the course of her life to be a whopping $449,127, (and that number does not include her buying clothes, lingerie, shoes, perfume, jewelry, or gym memberships); all judiciously assembled for maximum attractiveness/sex appeal. Perhaps therefore, the most surreal fact of all, is that nearly 45% of women are now sexually dysfunctional yet only 12% are "bothered" by it, from a study appearing in the Obstetrics and Gynecology Journal in October 2008.

And these are the people who are bringing life into this world...?? Unsurprisingly then, a brand new study out of Washington D.C. has finally confirmed what most men have long suspected but no one has dared to publicly address: nearly one in four pregnancies is considered intentional by the woman but not by the man. Really, could there possibly be any greater deception than this? It is no wonder that fertility drugs have become so commonplace, as women are now controlling how to create life too. These are the same women who either selectively reduce the number of embryos in their own womb without much moral compunction, ordering up sex and size as if at a clothing boutique... or conversely, the phenomenon of a single mother having 14 children in-vitro. Who needs men anyway, right? That is what you surely say with a champagne toast and a smirk after you have secured that primo sperm donor/deliberate one night stand, yes? Yikes. Our dear Octomom is truly the amplified symbol for this generation of women: bringing life into this world because it is all about you and what you want. Of course the kids of this generation are wrecked. Look where they came from, their conception was your instant gratification.

Ladies, can you answer the question: Who are you without having children, giving birth, or landing a husband? If you don't know or haven't found out, then you have no business pursuing any part of that equation. If your immediate response is that you absolutely must have any one of those three, then you probably are not anywhere nearly fit for them. Slow. Your. Roll. How many women can even admit out loud that they are terrified of ending up alone, unwanted, or without a child that grants them the proprietary claim that he/she came from their body? Look at My baby. That is My child. I Have __ kids. It all drips with unspoken possession, as if it means that innocent toddling little life belongs to you and is contractually bound to love you forever. The fertility industry is a 4 billion dollar annual entity in the United States. How many children could that help who are already here and very much alone in the world? No, what we really must have are reproductions of ourselves. Mine, mine, mine. (Wait-- is that the child talking or the parent?)

How is it that we remain so unaware of such a crucial truth of life: that children come through us, not from us? We don't make children any more than the mailman makes the mail. Exactly how deluded and self-absorbed have we become? But you better not mention those words to Bridezilla, who will not leave that church until her husband slash baby machine is locked down and "the deal is sealed before God and everyone." (Yes, that is a direct quote.) And then there are the ministers who arrive intending to deliver a sacred ceremony but are instead relegated to the witnessing of all these disastrous 3 year (or sometimes 30 year) marriages built on pretense, sand, and sheer self-deception.  It has gotten to the point now that even the wedding guests are placing bets during the reception on how long they think the couple will make it. And since we are going there--what is with the pathetic need for an ostentatious engagement ring? Naked truth: the bigger the diamond, the bigger the issues. If he is truly the man of your heart, you will wear a rubber-band ring and be the happiest person alive. Stop demanding men prove they love you, when it is never enough for you anyway. A man giving up his freedom and sense of self to become your glorified errand boy and yes-machine is not the sign that he loves you, it is confirmation that you have broken him. One must look only at the state of modern marriage for proof.

Desperate Housewives + The Bachelor + Train Your Husband Like A Dog classes + Real Housewives Of (fill in the city) + Knocked Up + He's Just Not That Into You + Pussycat Dolls + Nadya Suleman shopping her birth video + America leading the world in teenage pregnancy + 1 in 4 teenage girls now has an STD, and, has been sexually abused = Womanhood In Crisis.

Call Out: This one is for all the single ladies! Beyonce, you are gyrating around on stage like a stripper without a pole, singing about faux-strength and independence, only to be followed by a song stating, and I quote, "If you like it then you should have put a ring on it." Um, where exactly is "it"? You really want him to put a ring there? Why? Is that what you are selling Sasha? Do you even have any idea what it means to belong to yourself? (As in, not to the men around you, which includes your father-- because wow, you and Jessica Simpson really need to talk.) Cue the same song: "What I deserve is a man that makes me, then takes me and delivers me to a destiny, to infinity and beyond. Pull me into your arms. Say I’m the one you own." Uh, that answer seems to be a resounding no, that you have absolutely zero comprehension of self-definition. Well, no wonder women are so dang confused when this inversion of substance is what they are listening to.

And then there is the small detail of the movie women turned out in droves to see: did anyone notice that Sex and The City played as a comedy in Europe? Sadly, there is nothing funny about vapid behavior being glamorized, and men being treated as the equivalent must-have accessory to Christian LouBoutin shoes. For all the women who complain that men have objectified women, well guess what? We have now officially objectified men.

When is the last time you asked a man what he wants, what he thinks, what he feels? Men have just as many emotions as any other human. Just because they express them differently doesn't give you the right to lambast him for not showing his emotions the same way you do. Why do men have to follow your script? And the million-dollar question that must be asked is: Do you think men are incapable of answering for themselves when they are asked a question? Then, why else do you always feel the need to talk for him, correcting him, and finishing his sentences? (Your kids detest this too.)

Modern woman, do you realize that you have come to epitomize the ultimate emasculating force? Madonna, you can take your bow. And for your second act, Ms. Ciccone: now you get to show women how to destroy the beauty of aging, too. (Anyone can see that the only men that find Madonna appealing are men who are attracted to other men.) Anyway, 50 is now the new 18. It seems that modern womanhood has seemingly become so 'advanced' she can even control nature itself with injectiony wanton guile. But hey, just keep on adopting those kids! After all, as you sang with JT, if there really is 4 minutes left to save the world, then I guess you better get all the kids, cosmetic procedures, and music videos in that you possibly can.

With such great role models, women keep applying those crates of make-up and various beauty supplies to continue reeling those penis people right on in, but the day will eventually come when you discover that you cannot use men and relationships as a pretty drug to avoid facing yourself forever. Men are not pawns for you to employ, to lavish them when it suits your needs and then bitterly fire them when they fail to do so; since, well, you always seem to have 2 more men on deck. I have seen it 800 times. Enough. It is appalling to hear you say, (and how you do relish saying the words) that you think men are stupid. Or dogs. Or stupid dogs. Quel domage. Known: the type of men you have been involved with are only indicative of one thing: how awake you are. The truth is that there are a plentitude of astoundingly amazing men out there, ladies. Heaps of them. However, they see you coming a mile away and take a rapido detour, which is why you never seem to be able to meet any of them. (And no, it definitely is not because "men are obviously intimidated by a successful woman." cough cough. Not.)

Take a look back at the man-tour of your relationship history: the rampant insincerity, games/rules, and lack of genuine gratitude demonstrated for all the ways men do give to you is heartbreaking, (because you are often far too busy over-thinking things and assuming invariable disappointment). And why is it so difficult for you to ever complement the opposite sex? Oh wait, that's right---that is their job: to make you feel good! (Gentlemen, didn't you read your employee handbook? I think that was on page 18.) After all, the degree of your hotness and desirability determines how powerful you are and what the tone is to be in your interactions, right? Understandably, this is why you must constantly affirm your market value, otherwise how else would you know how to act; not to mention, hmmm... should you even bring your wallet on the date tonight since he is evidently so into you? Let's be real-- high-maintenance beauty does pay big dividends. You really do get what you pay for... And, what a bargain!

Ugh. Men truly deserve so much better than this relentless hell oozing from your long list of expectations, verbal attacks, passive aggressive behavior, insta-crocodile tears of emotional extortion, arrogant entitlement complex, low-grade prostitution... and let's not forget the ensuing unnecessary drama and perpetual arctic coldness, which is always oodles of fun. And men better not attempt to express their frustration either. It is apparent blasphemy to irritate the queen (of her own mind).

Strangely, no one seems to ever notice that modern women have 13 forms of a support system, but who is really there for the men and all of the pressure that gets dumped upon their shoulders? And after they deal with the sum of your requirements, you still have the temerity to get jealous of him going out with the guys? If you sincerely cared about the man, you would actually plan (and pay for) a sumptuous vacation for him to go on and do all of his favorite things... without you. (And, without even a single phone call coercing him to tell you how much he misses you.) I know, this is big league stuff, but you are ready Jedi. The time has finally come: modern woman, meet healthy love.

You cannot have it both ways: if you know that men and women are equal (yet different) human beings, then you cannot assert special privileges every 5 minutes or feign a complete lack of culpability in times of trouble. The helpless, innocent, damsel in distress belongs in the place it originated: the fairytale fantasy land which, sadly, the modern woman still very much subscribes to. Open your eyes. The flip side of the knight in shining armor is the brutal incredible hulk man. To go into a relationship looking to be rescued into happiness, is but a millimeter away from also consenting to your own demolition. The willful blindness of denial will inevitably bite you squarely where the sun don't shine. If you are in a destructive relationship, how about looking at why you ended up there? Why not examine the reason that feeling mangled is so familiar to you, instead of perhaps attending your 8th angry-woman rally this month? Relationships are all about who you were the day before you met, not conveniently vilifying someone for how they have ruined your life.

Abuse comes in many forms and is certainly not exclusive to any one sex, although everyone seems to want to forget that. (The recent case of the Sunday School teacher, Melissa Huckaby, is tragically extreme and has shocked the nation, but it is truly a wake up call. Abusive mothers generally go wildly unreported.) And why is it exactly that women are perceived as so weak? It is not solely because of physical size. (Bruce Lee was about the same height and weight as many women today.) Obviously no man should ever attack a woman, but that is only half of the equation. What is going on with a woman in herself that she would choose and allow such dishonoring men into her life? This form of vicious behavior never appears out of thin air. Ladies, if you see a violent, cheating, degrading, combustive, deadly rattlesnake... you walk around it, you don't take it home in your purse. You never hear anyone discuss this component and it is about time we did, considering how confused modern women are by what constitutes strength and weakness, and also of crucial importance: the definition of what love is and absolutely is not. No woman should live in fear, anywhere, and ought to always feel comfortable in defending and protecting herself, (which goes far beyond physical proficiency). When awake, women are profoundly powerful on multiple levels.

Women may experience horrible crimes, but they are not victims. (Rihanna, did you know women who are abused go back to their abusers an average of nine times before they are hospitalized, killed, or finally get out? Of course, getting a gun tattoo denotes just how deeply inside the cycle of violence you reside); and they are not the softer sex---sorry Dee Dee Myers. Any book entitled "Why Women Should Rule The World" is operating from a delusional premise that women are somehow inherently more gentle and kind. This is a ridiculous mythology that has floated along unchallenged for far too long. If you want to see real violence, study a woman who is disconnected from herself. It is a stunning picture of pettiness, cruelty, cunning, and caustic venom. True, a man's disconnection can give you a black eye, but a woman's disconnection will decimate your entire life.

Look, just because you are female doesn't make you a woman. And just because you give birth, doesn't make you a mother. The modern woman has become a potent mixture of needing to be in control, have it all together, appear perfect, has an aversion to vulnerability, overly analytical and in her head, is hardened, distrusts herself and so then distrusts men; and is botoxed, lipglossed, highlighted, and cleavaged within an inch of her life. She lives under her own microscope of chronic and incessant scrutiny of her physical appearance. Observe carefully and you will see: every single morsel of food is silently assessed for carbohydrate composition and its caloric price tag before she carefully orders and eats her food. She does not live life nor does she ever taste it. She manages it.

As I wrote in the book Soulfire, modern women have turned into what I call "men-in-drag." They look like and dress like women, but think and act just like men. They have bastardized the truth of femininity into something either overly doll-like, malleable, and pleasingly docile (think Hef's Girls Next Door); or have turned it into prettified aggression and dominant behavior (most all other modern women). And, did I mention our 21st century woman is also totally and completely exhausted? Fun, fun, fun to be having it all... except for that one small detail you neglected to put on your Blackberry to-do list: you forgot yourself.

Enter the concept of the Cold Fish Sex Puppet:
A common form of disconnect in most women whom are aesthetically beautiful and like to play stupid/coy. She uses her beauty and sexuality to manipulate men, only for the man to eventually go to bed with her and discover she has no desire for sex, and is quite possibly even insulted by the inference of participation. She believes the fact that the man gets to be with a beautiful woman is the prize itself, so why should she do anything? Note: women with breast implants are 73 times more likely to commit suicide.

If I were a man, I would want to hide in a cave... knowing a relationship would be a certain headache derived from a continuously hostile roller coaster (woohoo!), and a miserable dearth of good sex-- not to mention the fact that most women feel oral sex is beneath them and find morning sex to be too great a chore because it might mess up her hair. Oh no, not the hair! (It is so sad to write that, how they are missing out from two of the greatest joys of life... Seriously, why nag and blame men when you can adore them?)

Modern women have seemed to have developed a frightening case of Sexual Schizophrenia: they have become both more recklessly promiscuous as well as more sexually shut down. (Did you ever notice it is "Girls Gone Wild" not Women?) Is there conceivably a middle ground that exists between the array of disturbing archetypes on womanhood, sex and power demonstrated by Paris Hilton, Hillary Clinton, Pamela Anderson, and Martha Stewart? The unspoken message by all of these women is deafeningly loud. Marry in, whore yourself out, or nullify your own sexuality in order to be taken seriously and get ahead. It is essentially all the same implication: ladies, do whatever you have to do in order to get what you want, no matter the cost to yourself. Life is just one big performance, so work the room and get that applause!

No wonder our young women are derailing at lightning speed.

Where are the models of adult women who are genuinely powerful, exuding depth and substance... who love sex,  and respect it as an indescribably meaningful (and sacred) gift, and: who are in full possession of themselves with sophistication, humility, and mystique? Where are the women who can live without shame or malice? Look at how we now dress and conduct ourselves. Our skirts look like belts and our shirts have become bikini tops; go into any club and witness all the needy, cloying, desperate-for-any-form-of-validation women. You cannot even tell the strippers from the rest of the crowd anymore. What happened? Our mysteries are now without a doubt in all the wrong places. Modern women have become sexual terrorists: tormenting men about their maybe-I-did and maybe-I-didn't elusive orgasm. Do you really believe that not knowing your own body is, in some warped way, the man's fault? Perhaps we should consider the real truth about why so many modern women have problems having orgasms: It is because they have no previous experience in letting go. (You might want to let that one sink in. It is rather gigantic in scope.)

And to finish off big here in saying the unsaid: Who is the group constantly checking out every woman that walks by with a blatant up and down gaze? That's right, watch and see. It is other women.

Let me break it down just one step further. According to the Today show, Miss USA and Miss America recently were invited to visit, of all places on planet earth, Guantanomo Bay. As in, yes, the prison for terrorism suspects. What were their observations and insights, you might wonder? Please allow me the pleasure to quote them directly: “We visited the Detainees camps and we saw the jails, where they shower, how they recreate themselves with movies, classes of art, books,” Miss Universe wrote on her blog. The women later saw the high-security perimeter fence and went to the beach. “The water in Guantanamo Bay is soooo beautiful!” Dayana Mendoza wrote. “It was unbelievable, we were able to enjoy it for at least an hour.” Detention center spokesman Navy Lt. Cmdr. Brook DeWalt said he doesn't know if any prisoners were “out and about” when the two women were inside the prison camp. “I didn't want to leave, it was such a relaxing place, so calm and beautiful,” Mendoza wrote on the blog. Suffice it to say that I am speechless.

When even Madeleine Albright recently admitted that she flirted her way through being Secretary of State, that was genuinely the day I stroked out. Womanhood is officially in crisis and currently in the ICU. We are way overdue for some new paradigms and direction before modern women decide men are best suited for being ground up into squishy cutlets to stuff into their push up bra's. Except that there won't be any men left to see you undress. Oops.

Bottom line- when women are disconnected from themselves it is sincerely one of the most ferocious and tragic things possible to witness. (As we all have experienced.) On the opposite side of the spectrum however, enter, the Self-Connected Woman. Hot Damn! This may very well be the most wondrous and beautyfull sight one could ever imagine beholding. She is wise, fiercely loving, free, powerful, intensely sexual, pure, evocatively sensual, honoring of herself, wild, compelling, open, and deeply alive. She would never dream of using her beauty to get what she wants, she respects herself (and men) far too much for that. In fact, her respect of men is such that she is prone to open the door for men of all ages, and to do it with a big smile. And, not only is she not threatened by other women; she is their biggest fans, encouraging their bravery, honesty, and magnificence. She does not have to fill every hour with talking and discussing every little miniscule detail of life. She knows the sweet pleasure and sanctuary of silence. Her life is relaxed because she is. There is no manic biological clock ticking, nope, only a gorgeous turquoise serenity. Her point of focus in this life is not about what she can get; it is about how she can give and who she can help, freely, and with no need of memory. She exemplifies passion in its purest form. Her beauty is natural and radiant, with little necessity for make-up or things that suck it in or push it up. She would rather be walking out of the ocean than out of a shopping mall. This is a woman who is unburdened by life, although keenly responsible and aware. Her laughter comes often and easily, as she is equally fluent in the realms of the stringently serious as well as the blissfully playful.

She is self-defined and joyously able to love and exalt and delight in a man (or partner, as the case may be), just as effortlessly as she is enchanted by life itself when traveling solo. She is definitely a brand new species of woman, and the entire world has been long awaiting her arrival. Her song has yet to be written, (wait--you mean Promiscuous Girl didn't count?), but one thing is clear- this generation will surely be bringing (and singing) it.

...

Note: Yes, I realize it = I could never call this all out in such an incendiary manner if I was not the biggest fan maybe ever for both women AND men. It seems to be stamped on my forehead in invisible ink that I heart humanity. Therefore, that is why these things must all be said. When you love someone, you tell them the truth. Forget Visa, LOVE takes mad courage. Women deserve so much better than this, and quite obviously, so too do men. (Don't worry, I will be writing with equal candor about the modern condition of men in the future. However, I can assure you that I will never be bashing them.)

Women are the doorway to life... and when they are this far from home, the world shows it in painfully discordant ways. (And it is most definitely a downhill ride for all involved.) Our young women are in dire need of new models of womanhood. They are crashing and burning because the lost are leading the lost. Mother-Daughter pole dancing classes, anyone? Ergo, the need for this discussion.

Beauty is as beauty does.

Talk About It: Why do you think modern women are so disconnected?